I want to walk on stilts...naked
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize