the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize