The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
