i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
