If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
