we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
