Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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