You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
