if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
