i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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