Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
