he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
