Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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