dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
