I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
