lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize