rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
