SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
