real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
