I showed him my bush... on skype.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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