This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
