just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
