Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this just has baby written all over it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
