I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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