Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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