So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
