is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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