I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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