you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
