You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
