u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Two words: blizzard sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
