Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
