I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
