I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
