And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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