My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
