I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
