i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize