we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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