if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have demons in me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
