So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
