Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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