she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
