There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
