Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
