she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
