Where is the hickey?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize