Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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