In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
