I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
