so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize