obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
