You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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