Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
