Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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