I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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