I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
