i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
