Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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