I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
