She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
two words...techno handjob
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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