I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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