How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
