i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I sprained my soul last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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