Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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