i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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