I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
