the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
