He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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