you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
