i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found the puke drawer
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
