I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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