new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize