Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Someone came in the potted fern
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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