Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
