is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
