grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Btw I puked in your glovebox
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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