Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
