I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
3 2 1 whiskey
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
