Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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