hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
