There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
