So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
