Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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